Getting Old Really Sucks

     I was cool.  I used to be cool.  And then one day I woke up and looked in the mirror and I was old.  My haircut was stupid, my clothes were out of style, and I looked really tired.  I used to be awesome.  I wore cool clothes and listened to cool music.  I went to art school.  Very cool.
     But then one day you realize that you are not cool.  You don't even realize it when it happens because it is so gradual.  There is no defining moment when you become old and uncool.  But there is a defining moment when you realize that you are old now and not cool anymore. 
     For me it was using the Last FM feature on my Xbox 360.  It's like Pandora radio.  You put in a band you like and it generates all these other bands that are like it.  When I put in the music that I used to listen to back in high school, I realized how old I had gotten.  Sublime, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Smashing Pumpkins, Bush, Nirvana, Beastie Boys.  Radiohead is still cool and I'm proud to say I was on that band wagon since day one.  Shove that up your asses, young hipsters.  Was 311 ever really cool?  I pondered this question and came to the conclusion that, yes, 311 used to be awesome.  But now.  Kids these days.  Kanye West should die, Lady Gaga is an attention seeking poser and the rest of the no-talent ass-clowns out there have ruined music.
     Also, now my bones are all creaky.  My back is fucked and I get winded walking up a flight of stairs.  I wonder if I should start doing old man things like drinking prune juice, taking up lawn bowling or shitting my pants?  
     Now get off my lawn.