I never willfully asked my wife to marry me. It was forced upon me. She had hatched a plan. Like some wretched evil sorceress, she had plotted to pull me into her web of date movies that in her mind personified what it might be like to be proposed to romantically by her fantasy knight in shining armor. She was smarter than me. She knew that things would never happen the way they did in the movie The Notebook. So she made her own Notebook.
I was working late that night. It was around 10 or 11 o'clock by the time I was finished and she called me to tell me that she was on her way to pick me up.
When she arrived, I saw that something was off. Her face was covered in makeup and she was glowing. She knew what I didn't know. It was going to be her night. Tonight was the night that I was going to propose to her.
She began driving us home but she blew right past the turn that would lead us to our house. "Where are you going?" I asked.
"We're going to the beach." We were off to Tybee Island.
I was starving. I asked her if we could please stop at Arby's so that I might get a sandwich, but I was refused. Apparently, there was no time for earthly needs to be fulfilled. Besides, she reminded me that Arby's was closed at this hour. I had been kidnapped. And denied Arby's. Shit.
When we arrived at the beach on Tybee, I was shown a ring in a teal blue Tiffany's box. "This is the ring that you bought me, ok?"
"Ok," I said.
"If anyone asks you, just say you got it at an estate sale."
"What the hell is an estate sale?"
"Don't worry about that. Just tell them that it cost you a FORTUNE!"
".... Alright. Look. This is a little weird..."
"Shut up! You're ruining the moment."
"How am I ruining the moment? What moment are we talking about?"
"The moment that you propose to me, silly. Now, grab that basket in the back seat and follow me."
I looked in the back seat and there was a wicker basket with a picnic lunch in it and a cheap bottle of wine. I grabbed it.
She got out of the car and instructed me to follow. A short hike over the sand dunes and we were sitting on the beach under a bright moon. She told me pull the blanket out of the basket and spread it on the sand. I looked in the basket and found the blanket. Then I did what I was told.
Then she pulled out the ring and said, "Now, ask me to marry you."
"Ok. Here." I thrust the ring at her.
"No! Say it like you mean it."
"Do you want to marry me?" I asked.
"Have you asked my father?"
"No."
"It doesn't matter. You can ask him afterwards. Now say it like you mean it."
"Ok, ok. Will you marry me?"
"Yes!"
I think a few seconds passed afterwards before she picked up her phone and called every God damned friend she knew to tell them that she was engaged. I wasn't entirely sure of what just happened. After that, all I can remember was grabbing the bottle of wine out of the basket and turning it upside down over my mouth. I considered drowning myself, but the tide was pretty low and I figured that I'd have to walk a good ways out before it got deep enough to really do the job. With it being so shallow, I might have chickened out and stood up able to walk myself back to shore.
Five years later, we're still married. Thanks a lot, Nicholas Sparks.
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